AttaBoy
C e r t i f i c a t e o f
M e r i t
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for your most outstanding performance
you are awarded
one
ATTABOY
ten-thousand "ATTABOY"s qualifies
you as a special person,
able to work overtime with a smile,
able to explain problems to management,
able to explain policies to coworkers,
able to explain coworker goals to management,
able to explain management goals to coworkers,
and regarded as a local phenomenon.
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Please Note:
the issuance of only one "AW-SHIT" cancels any
"ATTABOY" accumulation
and you must begin all over again!
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___[ date ]___
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the Management
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In grateful recognition of your
superlative dedication and outstanding performance
which has entailed
many thankless hours of tedious attention,
numberless emendations and facilitations,
multitudinous anticipations and solutions,
countless rearrangements and accommodations,
boundless impositions and exceptions,
numerous inadvertent slights and neglects,
incalculable sacrifices,
and infinite patience,
this
Certificate of Merit
awarding
one
ATTABOY
in celebration of your
diligent leadership and heroic performance;
which award,
together with the esteem of your fellows
and the respect of your supervisors,
entitles you to
much MORE of the SAME sorry
working conditions!
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___[ seal ]___
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___[ date ]___
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/s/___[ signature ]___
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The earnest accumulation of ten-thousand signed
and dated
"ATTABOY"s
grants certain and select privileges,
including reciprocal compensation.
However, the issuance of only one
"AW-SHIT"
cancels any status, voids all accumulations,
and the tally reverts to ZERO!
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