At the Creation
And from the Eternal Void, the Lord spake forth unto the
firmament, and said "Let there be
Airborne". The earth then did tremble and quake,
and the waters did rise up, and the clouds did part, and there
came forth a multitude of perfect parachutes that filled the sky.
Each paratrooper was overloaded with gear and weapons, and was
wearing Corcoran jump boots, baggy pants, and an
Airborne tab. God looked down upon what
He'd wrought and saw that it was good ... and that they
were good All The Way!. They were
Airborne!
The Lord then spake forth unto the primeval earth, and said
"Let there be Rangers". And all at
once, the day turned to darkness and the winds did howl,
mountains crumbled into the sea and the great rocks did part, and
there suddenly sprang forth a horde of Mephistophelean Disciples
carrying all sorts of deadly implements and wearing
Ranger scrolls. God looked down upon
what He'd wrought and saw it was Hoo-ah! ... and
that they were Hoo-ah! Leading The
Way. They were Rangers!
The Lord then spake forth thrice unto all of His creation ... to
the sky, the land, and the sea ... and said "Let
there be Special Forces". Lightning did instantly
flash and thunder echoed across the world, volcanoes spewed forth
molten rock and rained fire upon the land. Tidal waves surged
over the meek and innocent in the shallows and capsized the many
oppressed in water over their heads. Despair and disorder,
turmoil and tumult did prevail. Forthwith, there did appear an
elite band of extraordinary brothers ... a few jumped from the
sky, others came from beneath the waters, and some silently
stalked from the forests and deserts, the jungles and snowfields,
the marshes and plains, the metropolises and quagmires ... to do
unconventional combat. Each of them was camouflaged, and
wearing a Randall knife, a star-sapphire ring, a Rolex watch, and
a Green Beret! By working together, these Quiet
Professionals brought peace everywhere they went. God
looked down upon what He'd wrought and saw it was awesome ... and
that they were awesome Anytime, Anywhere,
Anything, Anyway! They were Special
Forces!
Beside Himself with ecstasy, and in an expansive gesture of
Divine Grace, the Lord again spake forth inviting
"Let all ye lesser creatures possessed of weak bodies
and simple minds, come forward to make your mark upon
Destiny." And lo, from the primordial ooze and
nether abyss, primitive life-forms crept and slithered upon the
earth to slowly form indecisive groups, and gather into muddled
masses. Their confusion was palpable, their diffidence was
manifest, and their ineptitude was conspicuous. God looked down
upon the agglomerated multitude, shook His noble head at the
pathetic scene ... for they were pathetic
Grunts. They were laggard
LEGs! ... and God condemned these
pathetic creatures to be ground-pounders
forever!
And from His proper place in Heaven, He smiled upon this pleasant
creation, for everything needful had been done, and all was right
with the world. He rested, knowing His children were well
guarded.
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