Why a Gun is Better than a Woman

• A gun doesn't care what you call it ... handgun or long gun, rifle or shotgun, firearm or equalizer, cannon or howitzer, peashooter or big boom.
  
  
• A gun is quintessentially itself ... it will never have an identity crisis, and will never seek counseling.
  
  
• A gun is what it is ... so it will never change its caliber or barrel, sights or grips just because it wants to indulge itself.
  
  
• Sensitivity to a gun is simple and non-contradictory. Your gun wants you to master it all the time, and it will never resent your mastery.
  
  
• Sensitivity training for a gun involves the proper calibration of zero, the practice of proper shooting techniques, the prevention of malfunctions, the practice of safe shooting rules, the care and maintenance of the weapon.
  
  
• Your gun won't be jealous or embarrassed when you go shopping for a new gun.
  
  
• Your gun won't ever complain about what it used to be like before you had it!
  
  
• Your gun won't make you visit its old and ugly relatives.
  
  
• Your gun won't mind if you have a backup.
  
  
• You can legally have a gun at home and another one for the road.
  
  
• A gun in the kitchen won't keep you from enjoying junk food and beer.
  
  
• A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
  
  
• A gun never expects you to buy it a new holster ... and it never complains about the color, material, detailing, or style of its container or covering.
  
  
• A gun never goes on a shopping spree just for the fun of it ... indulging itself in unnecessary accessories and color coordinated ammo.
  
  
• A gun won't ever ask, "Do these grips make me look fat?".
  
  
• A gun never complains that you don't take it out enough.
  
  
• Guns function the same way every single day of the month.
  
  
• A gun never monopolizes the bathroom.
  
  
• You can leave your gun at home alone, and it won't get bored or lonely.
  
  
• A gun never gets distracted, whimsical, or disobedient.
  
  
• Your gun won't expect you to remember its birthday or anniversary.
  
  
• You can have more than one gun residing in the same house without having problems.
  
  
• Drooling over a beautiful gun is not illegal.
  
  
• The courts have never tried to prevent you from buying magazines with close-up pictures of fully exposed guns in them.
  
  
• You can look at a magazine full of exciting pictures of exotic guns with your gun right beside you, and your gun won't get upset.
  
  
• Staring longingly at an attractive gun will not make other guns jealous.
  
  
• Admiring someone else's gun is not impolite.
  
  
• If you admire a friend's gun, he'll be glad to let you try it.
  
  
• Complimenting or criticizing a gun will not change its performance!
  
  
• You are expected to field strip a gun on the first date.
  
  
• An urge to disassemble your gun is not a perversion.
  
  
• Your gun will never demand payment or favors for showing you its inner parts and openings.
  
  
• Your gun won't ever remind you about the first time you pulled its trigger.
  
  
• A gun never objects when you touch all its inner parts.
  
  
• You never have to wonder if your gun is satisfied after you've pulled its trigger.
  
  
• Your gun appreciates a hot load!
  
  
• Using a sabot to enhance the performance of low-velocity small caliber ammo will not disappoint your gun.
  
  
• Getting inventive, experimental, or perverse with your gun almost guarantees it won't work right.
  
  
• Using a lubricant on a gun is not kinky.
  
  
• A gun does not object to the use of solvents and cleansers, brushes and mops.
  
  
• A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you're finished using it.
  
  
• A gun never gets shy or embarrassed when you bore-sight it.
  
  
• It isn't immoral if you swap guns.
  
  
• When you miss the target, it will never be your gun's fault ... and your gun will never make you feel guilty for missing the bull's-eye.
  
  
• A gun will never leave you for another shooter.
  
  
• Your gun will stay with you, even if you're out of ammo.
  
  
• You can put a muzzle brake on a gun ... you can even put a silencer on a gun!
  
  
• You can full choke your gun and not get arrested.
  
  
• Locking-up your gun is not considered abusive or improper.
  
  
• You can make your gun totally harmless by unloading it.