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You Might Be A Little Too HOOAH If ...

you believe that tact obstructs military operations.
you know that life can be sustained by naps, coffee, and adrenalin.
the prospect of buying new boots makes you perspire with excitement.
your uniform and boots could probably stand at attention without you.
there is more starch on your uniform than there is in your diet.
you have to restrain yourself from starching your OD underwear.
the only mufti suit you own is your Class A uniform.
you categorize non-essential field gear as mission untransportable.
your telephone answering machine requests the daily password.
you carry your alert pager to the shower ... just in case.
you normally answer the phone at home like the CQ.
the phone book lists your rank, instead of a title.
when talking to relatives by telephone, you end the conversation with OUT.
you call the Post Locator, instead of Information, to find your friends.
all your friends automatically align by rank.
you compulsively walk in-step with your companions.
you have a grenade paperweight.
you always back into parking spaces ... just in case.
your wife knows how to PMCS the family car.
you turn on your headlights during the day and shut them off at night.
your POV has your name stenciled on the windshield.
your personalized license plate says At Ease.
your alarm clock chimes reveille.
you serenaded your bride with cadence calls.
you wooed your wife by the numbers.
you gave your bride a complete set of FMs and TMs as a wedding present.
your wife learned to spit-shine on your honeymoon.
your wife responds to HOOAH, regardless of its context.
you refer to your wife as HOUSEHOLD 6 or CINC HOME.
your kids' names all begin with AR.
your family calls you SIR.
your wife carries a buttpack instead of a Gucci purse.
your wife stencils her underwear.
your wife has a different camo-pattern nightie for every situation.
your wife hasn't unpacked the good china for the last six PCS moves.
your wife has mermites in the china cabinet.
you require that everyone does six pull-ups before sitting down to dinner.
you butter your toast with a bayonet.
your coffee cup reads: Lead The Way - All The Way.
your meals at home are usually C-rats or MREs ... with hot sauce.
a squeeze pouch of MRE Jalapeno Cheese Spread is your idea of gourmet.
your household possessions were all issued by CIF.
your wife redecorated your home in camouflage and recycled munitions.
your wife won't buy anything that doesn't have a National Stock Number.
household chores are posted on a duty roster by First Sergeant Mom.
your wife has a better high 'n' tight than your commander.
your wife thinks cordite and gun oil are alluring.
your daily cologne is known as "Diesel For the Real Soldier".
your "nooners" tend to resemble PT.
your wife thinks whispered acronyms are sexy.
you tend to dream in OD green.
your wedding anniversary is marked by an ER or FitRep.
your wife submits a SitRep on each day's activities.
your wife gets a letter of reprimand for failure to perform.
your wife always RBIs NLT the suspense date of any LO.
you had a change of command when your first wife left.
your kids call the sandbox NTC.
you expelled your kids from the sandbox to work sand table exercises.
your kids formed their playmates into an OpFor.
your kids argue tactics with their friends.
your kids mount battle maps in their bedrooms.
your kids would rather get SIMNET than Nintendo 64.
your kids call their schoolteachers: REMFs!
your kids practice drill and ceremony at recess.
your kids regard the playground as good training for the obstacle course.
your kids' babydolls all wear starched uniforms.
your kids put hospital squared corners on their babydoll beds.
your kids require that their toys comply with regulation SOPs.
when your kids are too noisy, you announce At Ease.
your kids get an L E S with their allowance.
your kids earn promotion points for advancement.
your kids stand white-glove inspections every weekend.
your kids learned to bounce quarters on their tightly tucked racks.
you give your kids counseling statements for failing to clean their rooms.
your kids have to wax and buff the floor before going to school.
your kids think gym class is good training for real PT.
your kids taught the daily dozen to their gym class.
your kids are hand receipt holders.
your kids stuck bumper-numbers on their Big Wheels.
your older kids call the youngest one cherry.
your kids idolize various warriors of the past, instead of pop-stars.
your kids sing paratrooper ballads for diversion.
your kids call their civilian counterparts: legs!
your kids think the Army-brat appellation is a compliment.
your kids know the difference between gung-ho and STRAC.
your kids have a backyard bunker, a frontyard LP, and a rooftop OP.
your kids pull night guard duty by the mailbox.
your kids sound-off with AIRBORNE every time they answer correctly.
your kids automatically drop to pump-out 20 when they make a mistake.
your kids get nonjudicial punishment for minor infractions of the rules.
your kids visit the post stockade whenever they're disrespectful.
your kids must sound-off with their social security number in order to eat.
your kids eat squared meals while braced in their seats.
your kids salute their grandparents.
your family passed in review when distant relatives visited.
you read the UCMJ's Riot Act to your in-laws.
you call your family slice elements whenever they get together.
you coordinate assembly, resupply, and rally points for visits.
you formulate an Oplan for all family vacations.
you mark primary and alternate routes on your vacation atlas.
you use topo-maps on family outings.
you prepare a lading manifest before departing on vacations.
you check avenues of approach before setting-up the family's RON site.
you establish E & E routes for family affairs.
you write movement orders for all family outings.
you brief family actions during all vacation halts.
a family outing without food or shelter provokes a chorus of WETSU.
your kids think a summer camp without live-fire is mickey mouse.
your dog's name is Ranger.
your cat's name is Article 15.
your cat's new litter was greeted by a 21-gun salute.
your family's dead goldfish got a color guard burial.
you can recite Patton's speech from memory.
you read military history for relaxation.
your FMs and TMs have marginal notes on textual improvements.
you've ruined movies by pointing out all the unrealistic military scenes.
your TV remote control must first be dispatched before use.
except for cable news, your TV is only used to show training videos.
you jump off your couch to salute during the National Anthem on TV.
you like living on post because you can hear taps every night.
you think HOOAH just might be a real word!