The True Origin of the InterNet

[nb: despite the fanciful claims of an egomaniacal Tennessee politician, promulgator of the junk science of weather forecasting and recipient of a Nobel peace prize, for having invented the electronic superhighway, this is a truer account of its origin]

          In the beginning, Kibo greped the LAN and the InterNet. And the InterNet was a vast void, without form; and randomness was upon the face of computing. And the Spirit of ARPA moved upon the face of the computers. And the Military-Industrial Complex said, Let there be data: and there was data. And Kibo saw the data, and that it was good. And Kibo divided the data from the randomness. And Kibo called the data Information, and the randomness he called Clueless. And the Information and the Clueless were the first Network.

          And Kibo said, Let there be a Server in the midst of the computers, and let it divide the computers from the computers. And Kibo made the Server, and divided the computers which were under the Server from the computers which were above the Server; and it was so. And Kibo called the Server LAN. And the Information and the Clueless were the second Network.

          And Kibo said, Let the computers under the LAN be gathered together unto one InterNet work, and let the protocol suite appear; and it was so. And Kibo called the protocol suite the InterNet; and the gathering together of the computers was called the Web; and Kibo saw that it was good. And Kibo said, Let the InterNet bring forth programs, the Server yielding records, and the corporate database yielding reports, each after his kind, whose record is unto itself, upon the InterNet; and it was so.

          And the InterNet brought forth programs, and Server yielding records, each after his kind, and the database yielding reports, whose records were unto itself, each after his kind; and Kibo saw that it was good. And the Information and the Clueless were the third Network.

          And Kibo said, Let there be routers in the Server of the LAN to divide the Information from the Clueless; and let them be for Novell, and for Microsoft, and for Cisco, and Synoptix. And let them be for routers in the Server of the LAN to give data upon the InterNet; and it was so.

          And Kibo made two great backbones; the greater data to rule the Information, and the lesser data to rule the Clueless. He also made the daemons. And Kibo set them in the Server of the LAN to give data upon the InterNet, and to rule over the Information and over the Clueless, and to divide the data from the randomness. And Kibo saw that it was good. And the Information and the Clueless were the fourth Network.

          And Kibo said, Let the computers bring forth abundantly the moving packet which hath emulated virtual life, and TCP that may fragment above the InterNet in the open Server of LAN. And Kibo created great ICMP, and every emulated packet that moveth, which the computers brought forth abundantly, each after their kind, and every specialized UDP after his kind; and Kibo saw that it was good. And Kibo blessed them, saying: Be corporateful, and multiply, and fill the computers in the Web; and let TCP multiply in the InterNet. And the Information and the Clueless were the fifth Network.

          And Kibo said, Let the InterNet bring forth the emulated virtual packet after his kind, every UDP, and ARP thing, and all DNS of the InterNet after his kind; and it was so. And Kibo made the DNS of the InterNet after his kind, and UDP after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the InterNet after his kind; and Kibo saw that it was good.

          And Kibo said, Let us make nerds in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the data of the database, and over the TCP of the IP, and over the UDP, and over all the InterNet, and over every ARP thing that creepeth upon the InterNet. So Kibo created nerds in his own image, in the image of Kibo created he him; fractally assembled and algorithmically unfragmented created he them. And Kibo blessed them, and Kibo said unto them: Be corporateful, and multiply, and replenish the InterNet, and subdue it. And they did have dominion over the data of the database, and over the TCP of the IP, and over every emulated thing that moveth upon the InterNet.

          And Kibo said, Behold, I have given you every server bearing records, which is upon the face of all the InterNet, and every database, into which is the corporate of a database yielding records; and to you it shall be for meat. And to every DNS of the InterNet, and to every TCP of the IP, and to every thing that creepeth upon the InterNet, wherein there is emulation, I have given every null Server for meat; and it was so. And Kibo saw every virtual thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the Information and the Clueless were the sixth Network.