The True Image of the Military Rank Structure
The True Image of the Military Rank Structure
|
|
a GENERAL
|
leaps tall buildings in a single bound, is more powerful
than a locomotive, is faster than a speeding bullet, walks
on water, and gives command policy to God.
|
|
a COLONEL
|
leaps short buildings with a single bound, is more powerful
than a switch-engine, is just as fast as a speeding bullet,
walks on calm water, and talks to God.
|
|
a LIEUTENANT-COLONEL
|
leaps short buildings with a running start and a favorable
wind, is almost as powerful as a switch-engine, is faster
than a speeding B-B pellet, walks on indoor swimming-pool
water, and talks to God with special permission.
|
|
a MAJOR
|
barely clears Quanset huts, loses tugs-of-war with
trolley-cars, can accurately fire a speeding bullet,
swims very well, and is occasionally addressed by God.
|
|
a CAPTAIN
|
makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings,
is run-over by locomotives, can frequently handle a gun
without inflicting some self-injury, can doggie-paddle, and
talks to demigods and clergymen.
|
|
a FIRST-LIEUTENANT
|
runs into buildings and trips over tents, recognizes a
locomotive most of the time, may not be issued ammunition,
can float with buoyancy aids and clear instructions, and
talks to the walls protected by God.
|
|
a SECOND-LIEUTENANT
|
falls over doorsills when trying to enter buildings,
calls a locomotive a "pretty Choo-Choo", wets himself
with a water-pistol, likes to splash in mud-puddles, and
mumbles at anything that will listen ... usually just
himself.
|
|
a FIRST-SERGEANT
|
lifts buildings and then walks under them, kicks locomotives
off their tracks, catches speeding bullets in his teeth and
chews them up, freezes water with a single glance, and, to
all of us lesser afflicted mortals, he actually
is GOD!
|
|
|
