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Murphy's Laws on Lying about Combat

or Spotting Spastic Sphincter Syndrome with Some Ignoble Citations (SSSS/sic)

The liar's oath: "The older I get, the better I used to be!".
The most important lies are always the simplest to make believable.
Simple lies are always the most important to make believable.
Not even habitual war phonies can lie ALL of the time, but it's a good policy to double-check everything.
If it's a stupid lie but works, then it's not stupid ... you are, for not detecting the bullshit.
A good lie usually begins with: "This really happened!" or "This is no bullshit!"; which is your only warning to an impending projectile-vomit assault.
Liars can never smell their own bullshit; but they can always smell your's.
If it ain't confirmable, then it just ain't so.
Repeating a lie over-and-over will not make it come true.
Two of any lies do not equal one of any fact.
Lies that must be told at the same time to make the story believable can't be remembered at the same time.
If it's still too secret to talk about, then what are you trying to say?!
Unproven supposition is always undocumented.
Controversial innuendo is unproven supposition.
One case of twenty-four twelve-ounce beer bottles is not equal to one ounce of verifiable research documents.
Barroom bullshit ("BARBUS") is never documented fact.
Alcohol is not a license to prevaricate.
The fastest way to spread a rumor is to telephone, telegraph, or tell a liar.
A disease-riven or ghost-ridden mind is no excuse for fabricating or falsifying battle scenarios. Ersatz accounts are not credible, even when the accountant is.
The true liar even lies to himself in his shaving mirror.
Habitual liars, like con-artists and method-actors, practice their moves and expressions; so consider that you may only be witnessing a rehearsal.
Professional liars are predictable, and therefore avoidable, but unfortunately the world is full of ambitious amateurs.
Involving someone else in a lie does not confirm that lie.
Authentication by another war phony, by inviting him to "Remember when we ...", is a form of liar's brotherhood recruitment.
Expressing doubt, suspicion, or even memory lapse, by honestly admitting that you "don't remember it that way", automatically disqualifies your judgement.
Challenging a liar with "I don't remember you being there" puts you on the defensive, and compels you to prove your status ... permitting the liar to fade away, to lie again another day.
A practiced war phony will be the first to accuse any dubious skeptics who don't reinforce his version of the Big Lie.
Challenging a liar with "I don't remember you being there" prompts you to divulge potentially useful information in refutation that the liar will incorporate into the next account to avoid being caught.
Like cornered rats, entrapped liars will become dangerous when searching for some escape or evasion.
Never tell another liar your favorite lie, because he'll steal it ... and then lie about stealing it.
Just like "friendly fire" isn't very friendly, little war lies aren't small.
A lie is never so small that it can't be improved.
A lie is never so small that it can't be disproved.
Never forget that your storytelling hero worked in an air-conditioned office while wearing a clean uniform, eating regular meals, and sleeping in a soft bed inside a secure compound. Remember, this REMF-commando had to go there to fight the war, and he had to be there to win it single-handedly.
Never forget that most liars and wanna-be's never went to the war at all.
Duty, Honor, Country ... avoid your pick.
Unchallenged lies can become history books and reference footnotes.
Laying lies as the foundation of everything from history and institutions to structures and relationships will cause them to crumble and tumble.
Lies disrupt lives ... both ways.
The only thing more deceitful than a lying stranger is a lying friend.

Some Ignoble Citations

"To be, or not to be a pathological liar ... that is the question!"
"A gilded lily is so much more attractive than a real one!"
"There are three kinds of falsehoods: lies, damned lies, and official reports!"
"If the truth doesn't offend somebody, then it isn't accurate enough; because lies are told to protect everybody involved."
"You've got to walk the talk, because bullshit talks and hotshit walks!"
"Anyone who calls a spade a spade, or a gun a gun, should be compelled to use one."
"Our policy always confines us to the truth, except when it's inconvenient."
"If a liar's golden words are his karat bond, then he's not worth a wooden nickel."
"I think, therefore I lie, deceive, fib, prevaricate, falsify, contrive, embroider, misrepresent, embellish, invent, counterfeit, fictionalize, equivocate, misstate, fake, confabulate, perjure, and forswear."

Stolen story, stolen pain, stolen glory, all in vain.