If your formative years were strictly structured for sadomasochism ...
if you believe in penitential karmic punishment for past infractions, omissions, and inadequacies ...
if your idea of a good time is traumatic survival ...
if all your social skills have atrophied from neglect ...
if you think sleep deprivation and malnutrition are normal human conditions ...
if you think fear and trembling is an existential performance art ...
if you think self improvement and career development are mutually exclusive ...
if you believe that sublimating rage and postponing hostility is a useful strategic formula ...
if you think preoccupation and distraction are prerequisites for cognition ...
if you think that constructive criticism is an oxymoron ...
if you thrive on stress and anxiety ...
if your sense of humor is warped, sick, or perverted ...
if you think abusive is a synonym for stimulating ...
if you believe the lowest common denominator referent is an invitation to elitist collusion ...
if you won an award for marathon floating in a cesspool without drinking or drowning ...
If you believe that attention deficit disorder is an inability to lock one's body into unconscious rigidity ...
if you believe that pathological fixation is a code-phrase for studying ...
if you can jump through your own asshole ...
then you may be a suitable candidate for
Officer's Candidate School
... commonly known as Organized Chicken Shit!