Real NCO's ...
only respond to surname, rank, service number, and moniker.
can cuss for ten minutes without ever repeating a word.
have a spine.
can see in the dark.
have eyes in the back of their heads.
would rather be on the frontline than behind a desk.
know how to apply enough chicken-shit to the red-tape to ease
love deploying to combat because there is less paperwork and more
have wet dreams about leading a battlefield assault.
will fight with bayonets and E-tools just to save ammo.
know why you should carry two field dressings on your LBE.
would rather have a mad minute than a VTC.
believe that combat power on the objective is a bunch of
believe that killing the enemy isn't a bunch of glory or
know that it really is possible to crawl inside your helmet when
someone's shooting at you.
know how napalm really smells in the morning.
know that napalm is really called incendi-gel.
truly believe they have a rendezvous with destiny.
don't need a MCOO to know where the enemy will come
won't brief it, unless it fits onto a single page of one of those
little green notebooks.
still don't trust the Russians.
still hate the French.
know that rituals and lore can build confidence and lend
have actually read the American constitution and bill of
can recite the Code of Conduct from memory.
know the Ranger Creed by heart.
know the true meaning of the term HOOAH.
don't know how to be politically correct.
don't give a damn about being politically correct.
think that politically correct should be categorized
under sodomy in the UCMJ.
can remember when faggots weren't a privileged minority
think that don't ask, don't tell only applies to
security clearance authorization for need to know
have worn make-up ... as appropriate face paint for
camouflage or concealment.
don't know how to use a stress card.
can remember when there weren't so many wootzie soldiers.
have earned enough fruit salad to be a Third World field
marshal, but just two worth points toward promotion.
make rank the old fashioned way: by being better than everybody
would rather be a squad leader than a general.
know the difference between collecting information and asking for
know that there is a difference between giving orders
and going through the orders process.
can play a cherry lieutenant like a finely tuned instrument.
don't like taking orders from a guy who couldn't get a
didn't need to attend a leadership academy to know how to
kick ass and when to take names.
go through career courses to improve networking skills and expand
will always remember who their Ranger Buddy was.
know that volleyball methodologies and controlled drinking, are
the most important subjects taught in tech school.
have conducted a police call after unit parties.
have never filled a canteen with soda, drink-ade, or milk.
can run four miles with a hangover, but can't pass the tape
run PT in boots ... 'cause if you fight in them, then you train
can remember the daily dozen in sequence without a
know the difference between a short-arm inspection and a
can still field strip and clean an M1911A1 autoloader while
blindfolded, even though they are no longer in the Army
can tell you anything you want to know about an M-1 Garand, even
though they are no longer in the Army inventory.
can set the headspace and timing on a fifty by touch
know what a link count is.
don't blame poor marksmanship on their weapons.
know that most of life's aggravations can be readily solved by
applying the eight Steady-Hold factors.
know that accuracy counts ... especially in combat.
know that the big things will get done if the little things are
taken care of.
would love to attend Sniper School.
know that the Cuban military was too damned stupid to have
assassinated President Kennedy.
believe that Nuts is the abridged and expurgated reply
to the surrender demand at the Battle of the Bulge.
idolize John Wayne.
want to be like Teddy Roosevelt.
will take vacation time to make a pilgrimage to Fort Bragg to
see Iron Mike.
know who Iron Mike is.
do not fear women in the military ... or anywhere else.
would actually like to date G.I. Jane.
requisition QM supply for a suitable wife after rocker
regard children as undisciplined recruits.
have never applied for a pay raise.
have enough time in service to retire as captains.
do as much training at home as at work.
think that slides involve ropes and snap-links.
know where the Green Ramp is.
think TDY is better than a vacation.
don't believe that AAFES really needs a commander.
would have paid money to see Custer getting his clock
shudder when they hear Garry Owen.
know the origin of yellow ribbons.
believe that calling cadence is an esoteric form of demotic
really don't like taking shit from those who haven't been
there and done that.
know their hardest job is not getting the troops to perform, but
keeping the officers from making too many mistakes.
don't need green tabs to know when they're in
believe that RHIP was invented by individuals who couldn't
concoct command presence if they had a mad scientist's
believe that Commander's Call was invented by individuals who
couldn't lead their way out of a field latrine.
know how to properly construct a field latrine.
know how to do a daisy chain.
know that a daisy chain is not a sex act.
know that the vertical buttstroke is not a sexual position.
might admire the Germans, but still figure that we'll have to
kick their asses again sometime.
aren't afraid of the Chinese, who probably don't have enough
rowboats to invade Taiwan.
would rather be OPFOR than MOPP 4.
think that engineers and signalmen are too lazy to make good
think that artillerymen are neutered infantrymen.
think that cavalrymen are emasculated infantrymen.
think that tanks exist to give the enemy something to shoot at
while infantrymen accomplish the mission.
think of military pilots as guys who wear pajamas to work.
never count on tac-air support in a clutch.
wear Corcoran jump boots in garrison, just in case they have to
kick the shit out of some loudmouthed MP.
know that the New digital Army is more screwed-up than the old
know that the new Efficiency Report system is as screwed up as
the old one.
think that the neutron bomb would be appropriate for the Bosnia,
Kosovo, Somalia, Lebanon, Afghanistan, Iran, and Iraq
think that we should develop tac-nuke rounds for the
believe that terrorism can be remedied by discrete and precise
don't believe a damn thing the Iraqis say.
don't need a GPS to find themselves.
can remember open-bay barracks.
still know how to use a buffer.
still know how to PMCS a buffer.
have never used spray-on wax or instant shine.
don't wear patent leather or zip-up boots.
have enough extra TA-50 in their closets to start a surplus
still have jungle fatigues in their closets.
have enough boots and BDU's in their closet to start a surplus
still have sun-tan TWs, greens, and whites in the closet, hoping
they will eventually change back again.
never change their skivvies in the field ... because they don't
wear skivvies in the field.
hide spare parts and extra replacements from inspectors.
still wear a P38 on their dog-tag chain.
can cook a savory meal on a vehicle's hot engine.
think that MRE's (with a little hot sauce) taste good.
would like to see what kind of creature ham and chicken
loaf comes from.
can be found eating and bunking with the troops.
are convinced that wall-to-wall counseling really
think Neanderthal is a compliment because they had
larger brains, littered less, and kept graffiti to a minimum.
have more time on a static-line than most others have in the pay
have more time on the frontline than most others have in the chow
know how to make coffee when the measuring scoop is missing.
know that the coffee's not good when you can see through it, or
when you can stand a track-jack up in it.
love the smell of scalded coffee, musty webbing, greasy solvent,
and diesel fumes.
know that cold beer is a great motivator.
know that shitty leaders will always say they have shitty
think that adversity and suffering is good training for the real