Being a Proud Viêtnam War Veteran

[adapted from "Top Ten" by Curtis R. Rich in The SITREP (1995), published by COUNTERPARTS, a veteran's association of Second Indochina War advisors]

The top-ten reasons for being a proud Viêtnam War veteran, instead of a puling alumnus of the draft-dodging counter-culture!

10. If a plague or epidemic breaks-out, you've already had your shots.

9. You learned conversational Viêtnamese, instead of Swedish. It's a much more useful language ... there are very few Swedish restaurants and laundries in America.

8. People spontaneously ask you what you think of Oliver Stone movies, Jane Fonda products, and Robert Strange McNamara confessions.

7. You actually know how napalm really does smell in the morning ... and all the next night too.

6. Sometimes, during a savory Italian meal, you remember the taste of LRRP-ration spaghetti-and-meat-sauce with nuoc-mam topping.

5. You can blame old war wounds, instead of old age, for aches and pains, creaks and rattles.

4. You can attend reunions of your old unit, where you can drink excessively, lie extravagantly, and share fellowship with other old comrades. Draft-dodgers don't have reunions, but they still tell big lies!

3. You can march in the Memorial Day parades, if you can find a uniform that still fits!

2. You will never need a presidential pardon or legislative amnesty to expunge or excuse your youthful dishonor.

1. You don't ever have to worry about being chosen as a presidential candidate for any political party.