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The Jump Before Christmas

adapted from a composition by Dan Stinson, Kent Fujiwara, and Mike Fritz (November 1996)

    'Twas the jump before Christmas
    And all through the plane,
    The Jumpmaster's crazy
    And the Safety's insane!

    The static lines were hung
    On the cables with care
    In hopes that a green light
    Soon would be there.

    At the one minute warning
    Not a word would be said,
    While malfunctions and entanglements
    Danced through their heads.

    With the door bundles rigged
    I hooked up my pack,
    "Let's pull this jump off
    Without one racetrack!"

    When out on the wing
    There arose such a clatter,
    I opened the door
    To see what was the matter,

    And what to my night-visioned eyes
    Should appear,
    But a towed parachutist
    And eight soaring reindeer.

    I can't believe it
    I thought to myself,
    A sleigh and some reindeer
    And even an elf!

    He screamed and they snorted
    As he called them some names,
    "You nasty mangy reindeer!"
    I heard him exclaim.

    Then looking right at me,
    That old so and so,
    Called, "Cut me loose, Trooper,
    I'm still good to go!"

    So I leaned out the door
    And grabbed hold of his sleigh,
    He gave a four thousand count
    When I cut them away.

    They fell through the night
    'Til I saw them no more,
    Then I came back inside
    And yelled, "Stand in the door."

    Some jumpers were happy
    And some full of fright,
    But when the green light came on
    They all jumped that night.

    On bundle, on jumpers,
    The jumpmaster exits the door,
    One thousand, two thousand
    Three thousand, four!

    With my ass in the blast
    And my knees in the breeze,
    Saint Michael protect me,
    From all of these trees!

    Dark skies full of chutes
    And strong winds did blow,
    Then heard a faint distant laughter,
    From the DZSO.

    Tried a one riser slip
    Hand-over-hand to my right,
    But my hands were so cold
    I could not hold on tight.

    Now lower your ruck
    And slip hard as you can,
    Put your feet and knees together
    And get ready to land.

    Ball of the feet, calf, thigh,
    And push-up muscle,
    Then roll up your chute
    And move out with some hustle.

    To the chute turn-in point,
    The red light and a vest,
    Be sure your name is scratched
    From the jump manifest.

    I saw the assembly point
    With a strobe light so bright,
    I knew even new Troopers,
    Would find it that night.

    No matter where or when
    Be it desert or snow,
    The Airborne Troopers
    Are ready to go.

    It was that towed parachutist
    Holding that light,
    Pulled pitch in his sleigh
    Then flew into the night.

    We heard him proclaim
    As he flew out of sight
    "Happy jumping to all
    Now let's call it a night."

    I swear to my Maker
    For as long as I'm here,
    This is how I jumpmastered
    With Santa, his sleigh and reindeer.

    Have a Merry AIRBORNE Christmas!